Demystifying Sex Toys
It seems pretty obvious the increase in popularity and acceptance that sex toys have enjoyed in recent years; but have you taken the time to think about what you know about them? Are you actually well-informed about the scope of their usefulness, or might you, somehow, be biased by any of the myths surrounding them?
We could walk through a very wide path of interesting millenary background regarding sexual behavior and sexual devices in different cultures; still, one of the more important milestones took place in the early 20th century when Sigmund Freud proposed that love and work, canalized through sexuality, are the basis for mental health. The way he gave prevalence to sexuality – understood mainly as life drive – was not without controversy, considering, amongst other things, the emphasis put on genitality. Nevertheless, and despite the several amendments introduced over time, Freud’s contributions helped to start and deepen the scientific debate over this, nowadays proven, strong relationship between sex, sexuality, and well-being.
In support of the previous conclusion, Rullo J.E., Lorenz T., Ziegelmann M.J. and others, (2018, Journal of the British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy) conducted a meta-analysis involving an exhaustive review of 74 scientific studies about genital vibration for sexual function and enhancement. They found that there is a considerable amount of evidence, confirming the efficiency of vibrating sex toys as enhancers for sexual pleasure and sexual dysfunction treatment, therefore, as instruments of extreme importance in the contribution to sexual health.
Paradoxically, despite all the scientific knowledge nowadays accessible, some aspects of human sexuality are still poorly understood in our society. This is precisely where we want to focus today’s reflection: “Have you heard or thought about the idea that a woman using a sex toy, suggests that her male sexual partner isn’t a good enough lover? Or women developing dependence on the toy for arousal and/or orgasm? Or the possibility of sexual partners being replaced by a toy?” Well, if you haven’t questioned it yet, we have some news for you: all these are neither more nor less than big misconceptions about what sex toys really work for!
Addressing these specific questions, Gauvin S., Yessik L., and Pukall C., (2019) observed in their research, that women who use vibrators both, in solo and couple play, reported greater sexual satisfaction than those with only solo play. Similarly, women using toys with sexual partners also reported a greater balance of sexual rewards to costs, in comparison with the group of women with solo use or no vibrator use. In conclusion, general sexual well-being was higher in women using toys as a couple or with sexual partners, than in solo play. It’s necessary to highlight the fact that this study focused on women with male sexual partners. It happens to be that some people in the group, although not the majority, who still misunderstand the usage of sex toys, are primarily heterosexual men.
Likewise, Seguin and others (2016), who titled their study “The Impact of a Couple’s Vibrator on Men’s Perceptions of Their Own and Their Partner’s Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction” found that men’s experiences of sexual pleasure were mainly connected to the perceptions of pleasure of their female partners and to the addition of variety and/or novelty in sexual encounters.
Onar D., Armstrong H., and Graham C. published a paper in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy (2020), exposing their results after an extensive systematic review of previous studies. They tried to answer the question: “What Does Research Tell Us About Women’s Experiences, Motives, and Perceptions of Masturbation Within a Relationship Context?”. Once again, after observing that a large percentage of women had modified their masturbation behavior when in a relationship, they found that emotional connection with the sexual partner is fundamental for higher levels of enjoyment.
In general, the last idea summarizes the main conclusion of scientific findings: Sexual satisfaction seems to be directly related to a deeper and more significant experience of connection with another person, in the context of a couple’s relationship. This may apply to different types of sexual partnerships especially when people experience certain levels of involvement and expectation. Here is where intimacy constitutes the perfect space for our unconscious fantasies of completeness, symbiosis, union, or belonging with another human being defining the biggest part of our sexuality as a symbolic process – perhaps difficult to apprehend completely through reason and science.
Hence, the good news for men feeling insecure about their sexual performance within a meaningful relationship, is that women are far from preferring an inanimate object such as a sex toy over their flesh-and-blood partner. Communication and emotional connection are the keys to overall sexual well-being!
So, shall we discuss how to improve your couple’s communication strategies?
